Dr Ricky Arenson

Navigating love and sex during a time of cancel culture and MeToo confusion

Many of my friends have complained that they don’t know how to manage dating and sex nowadays. In the backlash of MeToo, there are many confusing ideas that have further complicated male / female interactions. Dating was already a minefield; asking someone out, initiating contact without being awkward, discerning consent for differing levels of intimacy and physical contact, men trying to read female signals, what to do with your hands if they’re not holding a glass of wine. It’s not like anyone found any of this easy before! Now a lot of guys are worried about being accused of misogyny, harassment, and sexism, even though they just want to ask a pretty woman out on a date.

Men and women have always managed to make magic together for thousands of years. There is no greater feeling than falling in love, and no more existentially fulfilling experience than having a baby together. If sex weren’t so much fun, parents wouldn’t be determined to lock their teenage daughters away. Many regret the unavailability of modern chastity belts! 

We are confronted with many confusing ideas as a fallout of MeToo and cancel culture. We all agree that men should never harass, abuse, or make women uncomfortable, but it isn’t reasonable to promote the notion that men finding glamorous women attractive is “objectification.” It’s natural, normal, and healthy for men to get excited about nice butts, breasts, and legs; sexual attraction is required for human survival. Staring is not a survival necessity, however. So, men, let’s admire women responsibly and sensitively, which is accomplished by respecting the human attached to the cleavage.

Love, romance, and sex should be beautiful, captivating, enchanting, but most of all, enjoyable. There may be a minority of abusive people in the world, but consider all the happily married couples, who are frequently the most existentially satisfied people.

We’ve traveled a long way towards social, professional, and relationship equality, but promoting anger and division between men and women will create an unhealthy and depressing society. Men and women have always been good at enjoying each other’s company, bonding, and yes, having good sex together. We can promote this wonderful union without denigrating sexual diversity. We can find gender differences exciting and attractive without judging those who are different (or the same).

Love and sex should not be a war of words, but rather a celebration of life. 

Make love not war!